Monday, 12 August 2013

Seriously people have to learn to shut the fuck up

I am going to post again because people have actually pissed me off. People are really saying that Cory or any other person who has died of a drug overdose should not be a role model. I understand people have their own opinion...but seriously??? These people obviously don't know how fucking hard it is to have an addiction, live with one or live with someone who has one. My ex had a bad addiction and I stood by him for many ups and downs and everything in between. It was not easy and we only drifted apart when he did not want to be helped and there was nothing more I could do. 

First before people get started on me...I have had an addiction (to many other things)...a legal addiction to pain killers.But who cares I was one of the very lucky ones who can over come it. I can even have these same pills that caused my addiction in my room in case of major pain and they are all accounted for. The worst is the withdrawals. You feel your life slips away and just one bad choice, 1 second of vulnerability and you are fucked. In my case the pills were thrown out...you name it, it was out of the house. My ex tried to get me back to doing them but i refused and I stated clean. somebody had too...especially for the sake of his kid. I'm now sitting as a professional writer, figure skater, figure skating coach (getting full license soon) and doing very well in school.

Yes, there are many...many...many ups and downs but that doesn't mean it wasn't hard. I have little kids who look up to me and sometimes I do think. Why? If they knew what my life was like? But then I sit down and realize they are in my life to be guided I can guide them around everything I went through.  

So if Cory, or Michael, Amy, Whitney or any other famous person who died from drugs, it's to show money cant by everything. They aren't happy but they still went on their daily lives. They tried to get help but they were not lucky. These people are role models in such way to have others aware that addictions are a disease and can open eyes for others to get help. 

So in other words...people who are talking about this...shut the fuck up and live your own life. There are so many people who have overcame everything and just a few who didn't...those few happened to be in the spotlight. 

Thursday, 25 July 2013

Updatessss

I have no idea what to write, but I really feel like I should....hmmm, so this could be short.  I am enjoying the single life. Everything has been mutual but for physical and mental health it was good. It was starting to be a repeat of my old relationship and not something I need to go through again. 

Skating is going pretty well right now. No I haven't passed any tests since Decembers silver interpretation but I can feel the gym, eating right is really helping on my performance. Next week is the start of my 5 days a week 4 hours a day. I am quite excited about it. 

I cannot wait to go back to school in August. It's time...I have been off since May. I am ready to make this year...well what is left a really good one. I signed up for university but there is a chance I will be going too...like extended years to get the courses I need so I don't have to be there forever.

Anywho life is good so far...lots of cleaning and shopping. Xoxox

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

<3

My heart goes out to the family, friends, fans of Cory Monteith (Finn from Glee) who died of a drug overdose mixed with alcohol. 

Now I don't usually do posts about celebrities but under some circumstances which I will explain I felt the need too. 

Cory had been on and off drugs for a couple of years. I don't know how long or any of the details but I keep reading comments on how people don't understand ones secret battle. The guy I have loved is a drug user. He's used drugs on and off for 19 years, and tried to get help several times. In the 3 years I've known him he had 3 rehab stints and two overdoses. 

Yes he was and kept clean several months but then he would get worse and worse. Sometimes it is too late for people to recover and I believe that. Something else besides rehab has to be done. Get drugs off the street, penalize the people selling them. They kill millions a year and only the famous people get recognized. 

People have asked how it is possible not to know that they have fallen off the bandwagon. There are situations that it is not possible. I can't explain it, but when my friend fell off the last time I did not know.   He wasn't acting much different so I never knew until he started snapping at me and completely went insane.  

So in all honesty I guess why I hurt so much for Cory's girlfriend lea is because I went through this. I went through the pain of watching someone fade. She lost the man she loved, I did too..not the same way but I understand.

Thursday, 27 June 2013

Abusive and obsessive relationships.

For some reason I have been asked to post about this several times, and I figured...I should. I wont say why, or who asked me but here it is. This post is more serious on abusive and obsessive relationships. There are many warning signs people, LEARN AND MEMORIZE THEM. They could save your life or the life of someone you really care about. 90% is taken from personal experiences that I or a friend has been through, 

1) Denial....this is a huge deal. I know, I have been through this...not just with relationships but with life. If someone hurts you don't deny it. If someone asks you about it and you are not around your partner...tell them the truth. They only want to help and they won't judge. If someone knows what you are going through, you will be less likely to get out more hurt. If you are around your partner and they are suspicious, don't say ANYTHING until you are alone with that person. That is the biggest mistake someone can make...if the partner finds out, they can get hurt. If it gets to a point where someone is really banged up, any physical or even emotional abuse...get out..see a neighbour, friend or family member and call the cops. 

2) Jealousy...biggest no-no in a relationship. Yes it is normal to get jealous if a girl is seen talking to another guy or vice versa....but I had a relationship with one guy and he was extremely jealous. He wouldn't let me talk to any guys...even if I had known them longer than I knew him. He would try and check my phone to see who I was texting. The worst part was when it got to a point where he started getting jealous of not only the guys but as well as the girls including when I had a female coach who I saw 2x a week. That's when I broke up with him...

The guy who I dated right after seb, was not so bad. He was jealous but not with people (I will explain later). He however did always stay around me when someone was around...but I was never sure if this was because he was friends with them too or because we were always together. He did let me skate with a male coach alone, not being there and trusted me...

3) Controlling behaviour is what Seb had. I don't even think I have enough space to right all the controlling behaviour problems he had so I will explain 2..one he had full control of my schedules...except school but he'd make sure he knew my whole entire schedule. He knew my coaching, skating and every other schedule and he'd make his schedule with mine. I did not mind at first because I did not see this as a big no-no but it was. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR OWN SCHEDULE. DON'T LET SOMEONE MAKE IT FOR YOU...because this happens. 

We went on long car rides, spend hours on end at arenas and went arena hopping....and I know most of you know how much I hate public bathrooms and rarely use them unless it is a dire emergency. Well he knew that too...and yet the long trips, car rides, hours at the arenas he did not let me go pee when I really had too. A few times my bladder was close to bursting because of him. And I think he enjoyed it. He even told me he'd rather see me piss myself then let me use the bathroom. Of course long car rides I understood but when we stood on the ice for hours that's what pissed me off. Those few times he would let me go was when he had to go or he stood outside the bathroom. And yet...I still did not see this as a problem. But PEOPLE IT IS!!!! Controlling partner, GET OUT, MANY OTHERS OUT THERE!!!!!!!

4) Violence....this is my final post...this was not about Seb, about another guy...I was with the guy (same one who was over jealous)....and he was violent. I should have been able to tell right away just by how he spoke on the phone to his mother he was not right in the head. Always yelling at her talking back, hanging up on her. Yes this was a problem. When he'd get mad he'd punch random objects like lockers at school etc. It starts with objects, animals and people. Get out when you can. 


Some people know everything about my relationships. Yes you love them especially if you spend years with them. But if they show any of these four. Get out of that relationship before it Is too late. It hurts, trust me. I had many failed relationships especially after Seb but it won't hurt as much as if they were to hurt you in some way. Get out, find someone else. You don't deserve to be treated like this there is someone out there who will love you for you and not put you through this. 

Hope this helps xoxo. 

Sunday, 16 June 2013

Top 5 hockey players

1) Jason Spezza(Ottawa Senators)  <3 always has and always will be. 

2) Simon Gagne (Philadelphia Flyers) 

3) Adam McQuaid (Boston Bruins) 


4) Kari Lehtonen (Dallas Stars) 



5) Anton Khudobin (Boston Bruins)....especially his accent



Saturday, 15 June 2013

Clear up...

Hey all...today I went for coffee with Ryan and we actually traumatized an old couple. I feel really bad but at the same time it was hilarious. He knows I have issues with food from time to time and so when we go out he is very iffy with me leaving the table especially after I eat. But today at tim hortons we went and there was an old couple sitting in front of us. We finished eating and we were still drinking decaf coffee and I told him I really needed to pee. I was about to stand up and go and he told me to wait. (For anyone who knows me, I don't ever use public bathrooms...if i do like two or three times a year...ever since I was 13).and he started arguing with me and the old couple looked at us in horror. They actually believed he was not letting me go....but he did have a reason and they did not know the reason. I told him I could wait if he wanted too (he could see it in my eyes I couldn't) and the old woman turned red and she came over to us, gave us an evil stare and walked away. He told me to go and he was going to buy some more food. So dear old couple...we are deeply sorry, he is not a controlling guy. Lol 

Saturday, 8 June 2013

loveee

Yooo lovers. I know my updating is not very good but if you have me on other social media besides this site you know it is very good. Just so much in so little time. I am currently on my phone (sorry for any spelling mistakes that will happen autocorrect is a bitch)  writing this post during game 5 of chicago and la hockey game.. 11:30pm and almost heading to second over time period. Crazy eh? Though am thrilled Boston has made it into the finals now it is to determine who they will play against. I love la kings but have a feeling it will be chicago. I kind of want to see LA (last years winner play the winner of the year before bruins) though 2 teams of first 6 (first time since 1970s) would be cool too. Im rooting for Boston no matter who makes the western conference.

Many questions I have been asked lately...or one in specific, is if I am dating anyone. No I am not. I am having trouble keeping a steady mind in relationships and end up hurting them more. So I have vowed not to get into one until I am fully healed from the past and an commited to get into one. Though I have so many amazing and understanding friends who are helping me so much and anything can happen.

Lately I have been suffering anxiety problems. Im not sure why. I know I've always suffered from this but never this bad. Breakdowns, changed eating habits etc. I think it was from my pills. The doctor tried to put me on birth control to help the pain with my endometriosis but after 3 days I was in the worst moods ever and I was hard to deal with. I did not even want to be around myself so I apologize to others who had to deal with me. After three days I stopped the pills which gave me three periods in the month of may and crazily a month later my emotions are still everywhere. I am going to try and fix the anxiety...but let me tell you I rather be in extreme pain then on those pills. Totally not worth it.

For skating. I tried my gold interpretive. Had a very good skate (best for that routine to date) wasnt good enough. But the hard work and dissappointment (even though I know it was a long shot) and skating right away after the test...was not a good idea. I was almost ready to quit but then I had to take a few days and think why I came this far and what I wanted to achieve. Even though im valid to judge in usa. I don't know if I wexant to judge or work even harder and get my coaching license. I know if I really want it anything is possible. I mean when I first started skating never thought I'd get this far. No im not landing doubles or triples but my favorite part to skating is the choreography and ecen dance. Like getting intothe character. I never thought I'd get to try a gold test and I did...now I want to pass it and show everyone that I can do this. Yes the anxiety is holding me back but I want to overcome this and be the best I can be. Got lots of work (one stroking even though i despise it) and more tests coming up. I know I can do this I just need to mentally prepare myself more.

(Almost midnight and going into period 5 of the gane ahhh)

Soooo I started writing again and published my 11th book. I fired my editor...puisher and publicist. They did not give me what I needed so I decised to take matters in my own hand. But when I saw what my editor did...made me think how my other books turned out. I know people been saying they are amazing but I fear opening and reading my own books. So one by one they are going to be re-evaluated and then republished Iif needed.

School...I did very well this semester with a 77% average between all my classes. I had an amazing semester met lots of amazing people. Even offeres the athletic program for next aemester which I turned down. I want to enjoy both school and skating with no stress...or very little

Also other news Sparky and Puss in Boots passed away after being sick for a long time. Not even five days between each other. I miss them so much ♥♥ Currently I have Pickles, Ozzie and Creepy. They get along pretty well and Ozzie sleeps with me every night.

Anyways that is it for me tonight. Period 5 is starting. I will try and update more night all xoxo



Friday, 28 December 2012

2012 in review

So, I have been looking back at the year that just passed. And figure the best way to enter the new year is through this blog.

This past year has had it's ups and downs and even many all arounds. I will start with Sebastien since he was a big part of the past year. Though I cannot say what exactly happened between the two of us, I will go on to say we are not friends anymore.
This decision was not mutual on his half but it was partly by force and fully my decision and might I add the hardest decision I had to face this year...well...one of them. My reasons are personal and only a few people know...but if you know who I am talking about you will know there is no need for this explanation. 

Next I will talk about skating...skating always seems to be on top of my list especially since I skate pretty much everyday and probably more if I could. Last year wasn't a good year for skating and neither were the first few months of 2012. It involved many coach switches, and a whole lot of failed tests. Including one of my dances that was failed 11 times and my silver interpretive that was failed...about 7-8 times.

Though my luck turned around in October-December. I came third and forth in my competition in freestyle (3) and interpretive (4). And still with one last change that was made. I 
was able to pass my dance and a month later got my silver interpretive. So what's next? I haven't fully made up my mind but I'm hoping to get my freestyle and my gold interpretive.

And yes it was hard to stay focused because I was almost ready to quit and give up but if I learnt anything it's...don't give up on something you've spent so long doing.

As for school this semester I passed all my classes not exactly with the marks I want but I will do better. 

As for health some issues have come up but none are clear or finalized yet.

And as for writing I quit but there's always a chance I will be back. ;)

Xoxo






Wednesday, 21 November 2012

My oh myyyyy

Hello my loviesss!! Been such a long time since I updated and I am sorry for that. A lot has been going on. However I will say I did write a blog last week but I did not post it because of some issues that I was still unclear about.

-I will start with writing since that is always my topic of choice. I am  no longer with any publishing companies or writing for anyone. The new company I was with was located in Belgium and my publishers were all different time zones. It was exhausting to work with all these time zones and I just could not do it anymore at least not right now. I am still writing, I am taking my pace and maybe in the future (not in the next year) I will be able to publish what I am writing. Also with the tv show, as of right now we are NOT going through with it. Maybe in the future but as I said it was time consuming and exhausted with added stress that I do not need.

Skating is going pretty well. Made many changes and I even passed my dance that I wored on for..........too long. Competitions went pretty smooth. Third place in freestyle and fourth place in interpretation. Deciding if I will compete again in February but for right now I think I will just wait again for next year and focus on more tests. In December I am retrying my interpretation silver, and my junior bronze freestyle. So we will see how this goes.

I honestly have no idea what else to write. I am trying to be quiet about a few things for now. This has been a long few months for me right now and I just want to finish with school and relax a bit.

Anyways back to doing my homework. XOXO

Add me facebook: facebook.com/ddmatthews1993
               Twitter: ddmatthews :)

-

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

HOT AND COLD

Been a while guys since I have updated. Sorry again for that it was a very long summer. Been over a month (I just checked) I did not think it was that long.

So where to begin...I GOT MY DRIVERS LICENSE!! It feels good to be able to drive to most arenas especially at night, non rush-hour times and of course weekends. It saves a lot of time from waiting endless hours for buses...though I was getting quite comfortable with schedules. It also cuts a lot of my writing time out which with my schedule I don't find that a good thing. I have to cut some things out to replace some writing time.

Now let me tell you of the story of how I passed the drivers test. It wasn't easy and came to a point where I actually did not think I passed until the instructor congratulated me. I went with my dad who gets stressed out easily. We got stuck in traffic, we got lost and I got there 20 minutes late. They were able to take me and so I rented a car. Then my car did not want to start and my hand break did not want to come off. The driving was good except at one point I ended up in a bus lane and for sure that is where I got worried...BUT I PASSED!!

With my writing I am currently working with finishing off some details about my TV show. I should know more in the coming weeks about it but it actually sounds interesting...I am not saying that because I am writing it. If you enjoyed the shows, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Charmed, Criminal Minds you will enjoy this show. There is more detail to come when I have it done.

With my books there is a strike that's happening because a lot of new talent is not being recognized. I am going to say yes I am on the strike but I am also writing I just might have my book that's supposed to come out in March will come out in May unless we get an early clear. And the other book is not affected at this time but the writing process for it wont be started until January 2013.

Skating, I have taken a step back. I had to realize what I really wanted and now that I know I am going to move forward and achieve my goal. I want to become a figure skating judge and I am missing just 1 to 2 tests (depending on what level I will achieve first) before I can start with the judging training. I am kind of excited and nervous but first one step at a time. Questions I am being asked is if I will compete this year. I am pretty sure I will but my main focus is the judging test.

Now anyone who seen the news knows that the PQ is now the primary party in Quebec but as a minority. I honestly have no problem with the minority maybe a change is good. I am just glad it is not a majority. I just have to say I miss Jack Layton.

I guess this is it for now I have really nothing else to report at the moment....Have a good week all :) XOXOXO

Thursday, 21 June 2012

NEWS

I haven't updated in a while...about  a week because I have been doing some deals for my writing. I am currently signed on to do four projects up until the year 2015. However it was supposed to be five but I had to decline one for personal reasons.

I am back with LULU publishing under many circumstances to publish two more books which are going to be carried out until 2013. One is an autobiographgy explaining many details in great detail. This book should take about two years to write. Along with, So Much For My Happy Ending, officially has a third book to the series. After these books are written we will go from there.

My other two writing projects include a movie and a tv show. The tv show is about magic as for the movie I don't know. I will get more information later but the movie is the last thing that has to be done.

Once Again I want to thank everyone for their support and I hope with everything going on I will continue to make you all happy!!  :) XOXO

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Writings

Hello all, I know I wrote a little over a week ago explaining that I quit writing because it was taking to much time. However; I kept options opened with writing waiting for the perfect opportunity to come and sure enough a little while later 2 MAJOR opportunites have come my way but I only accepted one of the two hoping I made the right choice.

My first writing opportunity was writing articles for a hockey site/magazine for the St. Louis blues. I love hockey and one of my top 5 teams are the St. Louis blues. And I thought to myself this would be a fantastic opportunity. At first I did accept the job but not more then a few days later did I have to decline. It was not all about the St. Louis blues it was more of the North American and European teams making it into the NHL and it would have required a LOT of background history searching and even more time to write it after and as much as I love writing I found 3+ blogs a week would have been to much. 

*Remember* I am a skater, coach, full time student, hockey replacement and also hoping to work in the real world a bit.

Now the writing opportunity I did accept was  a future TV show. We don't even know how far we will get with it. Before I continue I will say I was 99% going to decline this offer until the last minute. I realised when I originally quit writing I was feeling a bit empty so I looked at the time frame which was reasonable and I decided to accept.

The TV show is going to be based on 'Magic'. At this moment since it is fairly new I am not able to say what type of magic but from what I am planning it may resort to good/evil type. Yet it is still to early to tell...I don''t even know how much I should say no since every time I start writing something it changes another part.

Up to date I have:
-2 character descriptions
-basic ideas

Am I working with anyone on this: People are giving me ideas but not really taking them just yet. I am going to find a way to maybe later add them in. I need to get my thoughts straight before working with anyone else. As for if I will be writing the script with someone, that is a plan BUT I will decide later on as we go along. I will however allow writing pieces to be sent to  ddmatthews1993@hotmail.com
and I will read them all to see if I can find someone who I may be good to work with. But more about that when the basic plot will be done.

I do have it set up around 'fire and ice' which will be a main clue for right now. Anyways not going to say any more but thank you all for the questions. If their are anymore send me them and I will try and answer. XO

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Final Decision

"With all sadness in my heart, I've decided to end my writing career. I'd like to thank Lulu publishing and friessen press for everything they have done for me and especially my two publishers who will remain close friends. This was an amazing opportunity that opened many doors for me and now I'm going on to achieve my lifetime goals! Thank you everyone who supported me as well!"

Earlier this afternoon I have announced that I am ending my writing career after two solid years. This decision comes after some issues I have recieved. Before writing I had a full life of sports and a social life. Then I decided to take on full time skating, hockey coaching, figure skating coaching. Those activities would equal to a good 30 hours a week leaving me minimum time to study and do school work and not to mention if I added writing on top of that. My days were getting tight and it felt as if I were doing 22 hour days. I mean one day would end just as another was starting. My grades (not being bad this semester) Were showing a tiny bit suffering and even though I am passing I know I can do a lot better but I need to add more time to be able to do so.

The decision comes from a strictly professional point of view. I don't want to be under any more contracts. I want to be able to work in a normal work force and be able to study when I can and skate/coach. With so much adding up it was putting pressure on me, making me tired and not being able to do anything the capability that I know I can do.  I have longer life time goals I would like to achieve not from a writing perspective but from other aspects that are currently in my life.

Now, putting my writing decision aside I know that I took a risk but no matter what happens in the future I am grateful for all the opportunities that were opened for me. Today not only did I decide not to continue writing; I also decided to quit my unofficial hockey job. Everyone has been so understanding and I am thankful for that.

So in all, A HUGE thank you to everyone for supporting me. I know it was a tough decision, not one many people thought I would do but I rather put more focus on three things instead of minimum focus on everything. I am sad to have quit but I know it is for the best because being an author was not right for me at this moment. When the time is right I will persue a further career in the future.

XOXO

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

...

Hey everyone, I am back. I am hoping this will be a short blog post today as it is about 11 pm my time and I have to be up early tomorrow. So to get started right away I will talk about school, I am finally done for the semester. So far I know I have passed 3/6 classes which I am fairly happy about :) still waiting on some marks but not at all nervous. Now about my writing. I have completed my contract and all 10 books are out. I do not know if I will follow my writing career anymore. As much as I loved it, and took it as an amazing opportunity I feel it was not really for me and I was put under to much pressure. However I will say I enjoyed the experience and since it's still freshly over I am not making any immediate decisions. As for the tv show, I have decided in my best interest not to personally allow my books be made into a show. I want to create a whole new idea but not right away. Reason being I have ended the Thompson Series after five books and at this time I will not be continuing and I don't see any future plans either. The only series at this stage I am willing to continue when the time is right is the series; 'so much for my happy ending.' Now into the skating world... A lot has been happening. This year was pretty tough but I see improvement from September to now. There have been many rumors going around saying I am quitting which is completely not true. However; for the next two months I am taking a lot of time off (not stopping) for am injury I have been hiding for a good two months. For sure I will be back and i won't give up. But as my old coach has always said, a break sometimes is definitely needed! As well I did not switch clubs but I have taken some ice time with another club.. Only for the reason it is closer to home and not some strange reasons people have said. I have been with brossard my whole life and they are like family so I'm not leaving. Now to talk about a bigger issue, talk about Seb. I am not here to discuss what's going on. It is not my business to talk about his personal life but I do have to thank him for opening up my eyes to a clearer picture on EVERYTHING... My love life is pretty much dead at the moment. I don't have a boyfriend and I'm not in a relationship. I do have my eye on someone though. Now for tonight I will say good night...I will answer a lot more questions soon. XoxoD

Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Late is better then never...

I didn't know what to post as a title...truthfully I suck at titles, that is why on books all my titles come from a line in the book or the main part. In other writing news I have officially published So Much For My Happy Ending: Sectionals part 2... I am thrilled it's over but will find out if I get to write a continuation in a few weeks. Also I am trying to finish Charlie AND the final book of the thompson series. I am excited to finally end  my writing contracts and FOR sure I wont sign one right away. I am going to try a few new things before.

So far school is going very well, but it's still early. I am trying my best only class having trouble in is Business but I think I improved from the first test to the second.

March and April are going to be extremely busy but I am excited! I cannot say what exactly will be happening but March and April are always the mysterious months.

So much has happened at the arena this last week. I am not going to talk about it until everything is settling down but I will say I finally passed one of my dance tests!!! I have a retry on March 20th for the second dances so hopefully they will go good and my interpretive is coming along very well.

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Week 2

I have no idea where to start. First of all I have dyed my hair so I am officially a blonde and brunet. The bottom half is dark brown and the top is platinum blonde (my actual hair color). I always dye my hair strange colors. Once it war orange, red, pink and purple. This was the first year it was a natural color with my real color.

Next I am going to say RIP to Sam my aunts dog (German Shep.) who was 15 years old. He had to be put to sleep yesterday (Valentines day).

Also NO I did not go out for Valentines day last night. I truthfully would prefer a date any other day BUT Valentines day so I will hopefully be going out with my best friend tomorrow to make up for Valentines day. Will let you know soon how it works out.

Today I also was in the doctors office several times. I have a bad infection on my right foot just where my skates are covering my leg so with or without protection it hurts a lot. The infection is in two places but it was caught early (it only started on Monday) so it's not as bad as it would have been if I would have waited like I was going to but thankfully I was being pushed to go and as said before they caught it early. Even though I am not supposed to be wearing skates until next friday its pretty much impossible so I am going to be careful and if by saturday it is not healing properly I will be taking about a week off. Infections are nothing to mess with. We have no idea what caused the infection but it was some open sores that were infected. Right now I have cream and my leg is not allowed to get wet. If in twenty-four hours the cream doesnt work then I will be taking anti-biotics.

And it has been finalized that I will be staying with Brossard for my 15th year of skating.  I am thrilled Brossard is my home club but there may be a change where I will practice at another arena and stay with them.  :)

Now, as you may know I publish most of my book in 2's and it's been about a month since I published my last book (Thompson Series 4). The reason why I have yet to publish the second book is because the editing is taking a little longer then I expected. When I first wrote the book I was away on vacation with very limited internet so I have to do the research still which is almost done. Along with the editing is taking a little longer with everything going on school/coaching/skating but I am trying to have it out for this friday. Again I will keep you updated.

For now I will say goodbye and I am going back to editing.


Friday, 10 February 2012

Life with Endometriosis!

Endometriosis month is around the corner and I am finally coming out about my battle/struggle with it. Reason for doing so is because it is very common but also very unknown. I am currently 18 years old and have been very active all my life. I used to do ballet, jazz, swimming, piano and figure skating. Now all I do is figure skating and a lot of off ice training.

I was one of girls in elementary school to start developing early. My first period was when I was ten years old (grade 5) and it was always regular up until I was twelve (grade 7). At twelve years old I started skating more often (3-4 times a week) with my friends and lessons at the same time and starting in October 2005 Halloween, I got my period for a couple of hours. Not only was it bad because it was only one day. It was bad because it was the worst pain I have ever had in my stomach. After that one day I didn't get my period until January 2006 when my next period (equally as painful appeared). I never mentioned anything because I was always told getting a painful period was normal and I always had tylonel/midol to help with the pain.

After a couple of months (before 2007) I was brought to the emergency room in the St. Justine's hospital because of sharp stabbing pains in my uterus and major cramps. At that time they gave me many different reasons of what it could be and the only way to find out would be tests.

My first test was an x-ray. I sat in the xray room for 20 minutes as they took pictures of my insides. After half an hour of developing the xrays they told me it might have something to do with my intestines. They gave me a bunch of pills to take for 31 days and see if the pain went away. If not I was going to have to go through more tests. The pills never helped but the pain went away a bit.

Nothing really happened until i was 15 years old (about a year and a half later) I came back from the Dominican Republic and I got sick for 14 weeks straight. December to march. It almost caused me to stop skating until I recovered but I stuggled through because it was my first year coaching and I didn't want to leave my students in the middle of the season. By March my colds were all gone and I was pain free and sick free for a full week.

On Saturday March 7th, it was my last skating day for the season before show practices and doing Canasta(if anyone knows that dance youd know how stupid it would be to fall) but I managed to fall really hard on my stomach. I got winded and it took about five minutes for me to be able to stand up but after I was fine. It actually didn't hurt but the shock was so intense.

On March 9th, (late monday night) I was getting up to put something in the garbage something in my right side of my stomach popped and sent me flying backwards into the chair. It took 30 seconds before I told my mom what happened and when I did she had no immediate comment.

I tried to get back up again, but my stomach was hurting way to much to straighten up and walk normally. I walked bent over to the kitchen and then I headed downstairs to get a drink and the stairs was the most painful walk I ever had. It took me about four minutes to walk down and six to walk back up and for the rest of the night I stayed all curled up because that was the only way my stomach didn’t hurt.

The next day I had a very slow day in school, I had a lot of pain and people were able to see that I wasn’t myself. I had a few teachers and most of my friends ask me what was wrong. I told them I was in a lot of pain and for the rest of the day my stomach felt like popcorn. It popped several times to where I felt worse than the night before. I  knew I'd end up having to see a doctor about it but I was putting it off.

I put off seeing the doctor for three days because I didn’t want to have to go sit in a clinic with many other sick people and getting a chance of becoming sick once again for another few weeks. On the Thursday I finally gave in and went to the clinic and sat there for about two hours only to be called in and going through some of my symptoms, I was told it was probably my intestines again and she gave me a paper to go get another set of x-rays. I knew for a fact that, that was wrong and nobody actually knew what was wrong with me but they didn't want to admit it.

It remained the same amount of pain for a few weeks, some days worse and some days better and then I went to go see my family doctor. I started to know it was going to be endometriosis  but I decided to wait and here it from a doctors mouth. I described to her about my symptoms were and the pain. She asked me several questions including if  I was sexually active, which I am not and then she just sat there. She started signing papers and then handed me them. I was now to go for blood tests, urine cultures and an ultrasound.

I started off by going for the blood tests and urine culture on an early Saturday morning. It was really early but since it was a private clinic it went by fast and we were in and out. A few days later I got a call to see the family doctor and she told me that the urine culture didn’t have a clear results and I had to redo that test before getting my ultrasound done. She also said my blood tests were fine and everything came out normal.

So I went back to the clinic to redo the urine culture and then the tests were sent back to the lab once again. This time my doctor called to inform me those tests came out clear as well and I don’t have to worry about the test anymore and I can proceed to the next phase which was the ultrasound.

I got my appointment for my test in  mid-July. I drank the recommended water and when I got there they asked for my paper. I handed them the first ‘test’ paper I had laying on my kitchen table. They later called me up and said, “I thought you were doing an ultrasound.” I said I was and they just looked at me puzzled and sent me to sit back down. About three minutes later I had a nurse come up to me and she brought me to a changing room where I had to change out of my clothes and put a hospital gown on. She then brought me to a room and made me lie on the table.

I had a few ultrasounds before that and I know for a fact that’s not how they are supposed to do it. She then put a machine over my belly and told me not to move. She snapped several pictures and then she told me I could go and my doctor would have the results in less than a week.

A week passed by and my mom and I went back to the clinic so I could have the actual ultrasound. The technician went through everything and he also showed me what he saw and said, I have several cysts on both ovaries which were probably causing the pain. My right side (side that was hurting more) was the side that had more cysts and he said when my family doctor gets the test results then she should prescribe me pills to ease the pain. Little did I know that wasn’t going to happen to quick...


I went back to see my family doctor around August/September, not sure of the actual day. She was almost 100% sure that the cysts were NOT causing my pain so she referred me to go see a gastrointestinal doctor since that was most likely the cause of the pain. I did as I was told. I first saw the doctor in October and he took down my symptoms and we had about a twenty minute chat. He told me he had three tests he could perform.
1) Upper intestinal test
2) Lower intestinal test
3) Colonoscopy
He wanted to start off with the two upper and lower tests because the colonoscopy would be for older ages and it’s probably nothing to do with it. So he signed the paper and told me to come back and see him once the test was done. My mom called the place to get the x-rays done and she faxed them my paper. They couldn’t read his hand writing so they took a guess (not to mention the doctor who gave me the paper was in the same building). They told me to get a kit (same kit as a colonoscopy) and follow the directions thinking that was the x-ray test.

I did as told the day before and when I got to the building I was in for a major surprise.  They were doing a colonoscopy when I was not supposed to have one.

When I was done they said it was the cleanest colon they’ve ever seen, I should hope so I was only 16. We went back weeks later to see the gastrointestinal doctor and he gave me another paper to go get the last two tests done. I thought the worst was over, but I was wrong.

A week before Christmas I went for the last of the two tests. I had to drink this weird powder chalk stuff and then wait until it was digested into my system. Then they took pictures as I had to drink more stuff and let me tell you it was the worst tasting stuff ever and I was more concentrated on keeping it down then what the doctor was saying. When those excruciating tests were done I didn’t hear or worry about the results until February when I had to go back.

When I went back the doctor said everything was clean and I have nothing to worry about. He then said, “We still haven’t done the colonoscopy but I don’t think that is necessary for your age.” I looked at him but didn’t say a word. When my mom and I left I looked at her and said, “we didn’t do a colonoscopy? He is the one who kept telling me the technicians said it was clean and he doesn’t remember?” She told me to let it go because I do not have to go back to see him anymore.

Later that month I went back to see my family doctor out of frustration and I said, “I need to see a gynaecologist because I am prettu sure I  have endometriosis.” She didn’t want to give me the referral because she is a gynaecologist but she did anyways. And then the last week of that month I went to see the new doctor. After going through my symptoms he said it was a high possibility but he wanted to give me a test to make sure. I accepted his test and so he told me to go on birth control for three months straight and stop it to see how bad the pain was.

I started by doing so and the first month went by okay. Then on March 29th, 2010 I was having the worst pains in my stomach I ever had. That was also after skating for four hours straight. I couldn’t stand up in a straight position and I shouldn’t have been skating after feeling the pain all morning. When I got home at 6, I was still crying because of the pain. My mom told me to stay low that night.

It increasingly got worse (not thinking it could) and so that’s when my mom rushed me to the emergency room. At first I thought it was my appendix because it was only on the right side but when I got there the pain started to spread. I took many tylonel’s which never helped and then at about 12am I was called to see the first doctor. She took many blood samples and told me to go back into the waiting room and when the results were in they’d come and get me.

We then waited until two in the morning, they called my name and we went into another part of the hospital. We sat in that room for half an hour until the doctor decided showed up. He said that my blood tests were clear and he couldn’t find anything. He told me to go home, take some tylonel and get some sleep and to come back for another ultrasound at 9 in the morning.

I did as told and went the next day for the ultrasound. We waited again in the emergency room for the results and the doctor called us in. He said the technician only did the test on my appendix but she couldn’t find it. He also stated that most people who come in with stomach are fine days after. Well this was the second time in 3 years I was hospitalized for stomach pains and it was on going for over a year now. And this point this is the first time I almost quit skating.

He then asked me what my previous doctors had said, and my mom told him I was being followed for endometriosis and the doctor said that was a large possibility. He said they can’t find endometriosis in x-rays or ultrasounds (only cysts that are a main symptom) so they’d all end up being clear (like my tests have been showing up). He told me to go see my gynaecologist and speak with him again for further doings.
Since nothing was happening I got a new appointment in Montreal with one of the top doctors. We went through some tests and asked me about any injuries that may have happened before the pains. That’s when it clicked; I fell a few days before hard on my stomach at skating. He did a physiotherapy type test to determine the pain which hurt a lot and he said I probably have a slight tear in my stomach and that physiotherapy can help with it. I need to go see my family doctor to get the papers.

That’s where the progress was starting. My mom called my family doctor and asked if she’d give me a referral but the doctor said no. My mom emailed a family member who works at the place where one of the doctors diagnosed me and told her so he wrote up a referral and gave it to her to give to me. (He didn’t want to do it at first because he didn’t want to get my family doctor mad).

So now we move on to middle of May. I had my first appointment for physiotherapy and my second appointment for the gynaecologist. I went to the gynaecologist first and he told me he wasn’t happy with the results from the test and asked me to redo it again and also let him know what physiotherapy does for me.
At physio, we did a full hour and a half tests with my physiotherapist and she said that she couldn’t do anything with my stomach but my back needed a lot of help because of lack of posture and muscles. She told me to take four months off of skating for the start to see how it goes. I took the four months off (thinking the second time I was going to have to quit) and those four months were hell and very boring.
So I was doing that I was also going through a lot personally and that made me stressed. I ended up throwing up every morning (no matter what time it was) and I was weak, tired and couldn’t move. I at first blamed that on the stress and when I went back to see the gynaecologist in September of 2010 he told me I had endometriosis.

I always knew that day was coming but when I heard the words out of his mouth it still shocked me. I couldn’t actually believe it until a few days later. He had me take the birth control pills again for three months, stop, and 3 months again.

This time while taking them I had the same symptoms as the last time I took them. The only difference was I had no stress/little at all. I took them for two months of pure torture and still throwing up every morning that I had to put a stop to it 2 months into the first 3 months. I stopped taking the pills.

Currently today March 2011 I am still off the pills but everyone is right the pain does get a lot worse as each month goes on. February I had to say was the worst month I had with endometriosis. I thought I was going to be hospitalized again. I could barely move for 3 to 4 days (even though I still had to coach and skate) I lasted like half an hour on the ice at the beginning and then I’d only go to school for 2 or 3 hours because it was so bad. My stomach felt like it was outside of me and three of those four days I took 9 doses of 2 pills per dose of Midol to relieve some of the pain. It was never fully relieved but it helped. That month also made my back worse because of the pain and my physiotherapist is even concerned.

1 year Later: I was told to take insulin shots  but my regular family doctor refused to let me do it for certain reasons. After that I found out that my Gyno quit so I have yet to meet the new one. Though; in December and January I did retry the pills. They only made me sick 4 times but the pain was so bad I was even taking extreme painkillers. The next option now is to try the vegetarian diet for 3-6 months and see if it helps the pain. I also need to get my appointment from the new doctor to see what she thinks we should do next. This disease is a mystery but I am not alone!

Thursday, 2 February 2012

OFF AIR

OFF AIR: THE BEGINNING


Off Air: The Beginning, this series was originally a five book series but there was so much cut out of the first three books. This is about an aspiring singer who moves in with her famous uncle so she can persue her singing career. Will her singing career happen or will she star in her own TV show?

Off Air: The End



Raelene is forced to decide whether or not she wants to persue her musical career or go back to what she loves most. And whichever path she choses how will she do it with her kids eeding something. First part of story takes place in present and second part is ten years later.

So Much For My Happy Ending: Sectionals (part 1)


So Much For My Happy Ending: Sectionals (Part 1)


This book is about figure skating/ice dancing. Something I am much more comfortable talking and writing about especially if you read my other books which are about crime and fantasy. Both Dmitry and Daisy suffering injuries. They have to train together, get over differences and in two months come up with a pairs routine and an ice dance routine. Will they be able to get through sectionals or will they have to fight their way through in hopes of getting further and to the olympics.

So Much For My Happy Ending: Sectionals (part 2)

Will be based on what happens in the second part of the competition. And with an injury Daisy and Dmitry decide to take on coaching a student who competes in the same competition as they do. More information is coming when it comes out at the end of February...