loveee

Yooo lovers. I know my updating is not very good but if you have me on other social media besides this site you know it is very good. Just so much in so little time. I am currently on my phone (sorry for any spelling mistakes that will happen autocorrect is a bitch)  writing this post during game 5 of chicago and la hockey game.. 11:30pm and almost heading to second over time period. Crazy eh? Though am thrilled Boston has made it into the finals now it is to determine who they will play against. I love la kings but have a feeling it will be chicago. I kind of want to see LA (last years winner play the winner of the year before bruins) though 2 teams of first 6 (first time since 1970s) would be cool too. Im rooting for Boston no matter who makes the western conference.

Many questions I have been asked lately...or one in specific, is if I am dating anyone. No I am not. I am having trouble keeping a steady mind in relationships and end up hurting them more. So I have vowed not to get into one until I am fully healed from the past and an commited to get into one. Though I have so many amazing and understanding friends who are helping me so much and anything can happen.

Lately I have been suffering anxiety problems. Im not sure why. I know I've always suffered from this but never this bad. Breakdowns, changed eating habits etc. I think it was from my pills. The doctor tried to put me on birth control to help the pain with my endometriosis but after 3 days I was in the worst moods ever and I was hard to deal with. I did not even want to be around myself so I apologize to others who had to deal with me. After three days I stopped the pills which gave me three periods in the month of may and crazily a month later my emotions are still everywhere. I am going to try and fix the anxiety...but let me tell you I rather be in extreme pain then on those pills. Totally not worth it.

For skating. I tried my gold interpretive. Had a very good skate (best for that routine to date) wasnt good enough. But the hard work and dissappointment (even though I know it was a long shot) and skating right away after the test...was not a good idea. I was almost ready to quit but then I had to take a few days and think why I came this far and what I wanted to achieve. Even though im valid to judge in usa. I don't know if I wexant to judge or work even harder and get my coaching license. I know if I really want it anything is possible. I mean when I first started skating never thought I'd get this far. No im not landing doubles or triples but my favorite part to skating is the choreography and ecen dance. Like getting intothe character. I never thought I'd get to try a gold test and I did...now I want to pass it and show everyone that I can do this. Yes the anxiety is holding me back but I want to overcome this and be the best I can be. Got lots of work (one stroking even though i despise it) and more tests coming up. I know I can do this I just need to mentally prepare myself more.

(Almost midnight and going into period 5 of the gane ahhh)

Soooo I started writing again and published my 11th book. I fired my editor...puisher and publicist. They did not give me what I needed so I decised to take matters in my own hand. But when I saw what my editor did...made me think how my other books turned out. I know people been saying they are amazing but I fear opening and reading my own books. So one by one they are going to be re-evaluated and then republished Iif needed.

School...I did very well this semester with a 77% average between all my classes. I had an amazing semester met lots of amazing people. Even offeres the athletic program for next aemester which I turned down. I want to enjoy both school and skating with no stress...or very little

Also other news Sparky and Puss in Boots passed away after being sick for a long time. Not even five days between each other. I miss them so much ♥♥ Currently I have Pickles, Ozzie and Creepy. They get along pretty well and Ozzie sleeps with me every night.

Anyways that is it for me tonight. Period 5 is starting. I will try and update more night all xoxo